Then, Now and Later

10 months ago, I initiated my blog again. At the time, I found that I had too many emotions flowing through me and I didn't know what to do with them except pour them into a blog. One thing that I figured out quickly, was that I enjoyed writing my thoughts/feelings plus sharing them with others, gave me satisfaction that maybe at least my suffering could help someone else through their problems. There were times when I would just type, my thoughts would be coming out so fast that my fingers couldn't keep up. Month after month or sometimes week after week, the blogs kept coming and with each one, a river of emotions would come and go; hurt, anger, concern, despair, grief, rage, sadness,shame, sentiment, sensitivity and all the others ones I can't think of right now. The emotions flowed, sometimes together, making me think that I would go crazy!! Or was I already crazy? yeah don't answer that one!!

There were times when my writings were very raw so I would let them sit for a while before I would post them or I would not post them at all. Either way, it was a moment in time that I was capturing my feelings and LOTS OF THEM!

Oh how time flies when you are working on shining through! Yes, I cannot believe that it's been 1 year that my soon to be ex-husband moved out. One year of working through many difficult scenarios, situations and hard decisions. Many of you know that I lost my sister in December of 2009. Not only did my husband move out in 2009 but 3 months later, I lost the person in my life that helped me live through a multitude of crucial stages. She was the one who would often reminded me that I was Graciela's daughter, therefore, I could make it through anything. Each time I wanted to feel sorry for myself, I thought of those famous words "Graciela's daughter". What my sister never knew was that I would also tell myself "you can make it, remember what Sylvia taught you". I came from strong women and have become a strong woman myself now. I didn't choose it to be that way but God had his plan for me. I can't say I am completely healed from my losses or if I will ever fill the void, but, I am in a better place. I was not able to save my marriage though I move on with the confidence that I did my best.

I am in the process of realigning my life as it has been off balance for a few months. It takes people that care about you to bring you back to earth and for me, this person was my daughter, Alexis. She spoke to me about what she was feeling with the maturity that no one her age should have. Although I was defensive at first, I knew deep down inside she was right.

I expect nothing but goodness to come out my experience as I continue to work on improving my life and my purpose.

I pray everyday that I continue to have the strength to face whatever comes my way, then, now and later.