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I am no longer the wife I wanted to be forever so I asked God to forgive me. On this day, instead of celebrating, I am still. Today, I am "officially" divorced in the eyes of the court. The papers have been signed,dotted and processed and sitting in front of me, is my maiden name fully restored; Angelica Noriega. In my mind, I was divorced almost 2 years ago. I don't feel the need to go out and get blasted to celebrate this occasion because I deeply believe that this is not a time to celebrate.
Divorce is often just thrown around like it's an old pair of socks but in fact if you believe and understand marriage, it is meant to be worked on with the exception of one little detail; both parties must be willing to work through it. One cannot make it work for two, THIS will never work. Pretending things are good or will get better is not realistic either. To work through difficult situations or the ups and downs of a marriage, first you have to accept that there is a problem. Once you have identified this, all I got to say is WORK WORK WORK!
Part of me will always wonder if we could have made it through the lows of our marriage if only we would have tried harder. I also have to accept that he never wanted to. I gave him a chance until the very last day (today), asking him if he was ready to finalize this. Again, he said yes. Reality check Kika! You did your best and it was just not meant to be. So now, I have a marriage/divorce under my belt. I never liked the idea of calling myself a divorced woman, instead, I would like to think of myself as a seasoned woman with a variety of experiences to share with others. Haha! I can always find the positive in whatever the situation is!
Today, I was able to hug him and thank him for always treating me well. I told him that whatever guys I meet from now on will have to live up to the high standards that he helped create for me. This I am thankful for as it leaves me with no doubt that I am a woman who deserves to be respected, loved and nurtured.
Angelica Paiz, now I lay you down to rest. Despite all your hopes and dreams and all your good intentions, the end is here. R.I.P
"A divorce is like an amputation: you survive it, but there's less of you"
Margaret Atwood
Margaret Atwood
Wow kika.very well said.I am so very proud of you how you're able to hold your head up through all this.even though I know it hasn't been easy I know you have become a much more confident, beautiful woman inside and out...ok I think that's enough of the serious talk...come back to california &let's go to disneyland!! :)
ReplyDeleteI love you kika!
I couldn't help not tearing up. Why? I don't know. Perhaps because I can sense your pain through the love you still have for him.
ReplyDeleteI, on the other hand, kept my married name. I'm a "MELO" and proud of it, and this name is neatly typed on my divorce papers. But somehow, I guess I wanted to be continually addressed as Mrs. Ramirez - who just so happens to be - the Mother of Crystal, April & Thalia Ramirez. In an irrational way, I knew that I'd be divorced from my husband, but never wanted to part from my girls, not even by name. So I never changed any of my documentation.
Besides, along with having to change an infinite amount of legal papers & could also show that Araceli Ramirez had Good Credit! Jeje
Everything is a process Kika. And I have learned that we all have to go through whatever we have to go through. That's what makes us who we are today.
I'll leave you with a thought that helped me cope with my divorce, "No llores porque se acavo, alegrate porque ocurrio!" =)