My invisible troops

If life was perfect...well it's not. It's those imperfections that make up the days of our lives. I like not having days that look the same, venturing out of my comfort zone and eventually looking back at what lessons I have learned.

My life is in a new phase this year. It's in a cleaning up phase. When I was first left alone to fend for myself, I didn't know how to handle this. I felt as if someone had spun me round and round, letting me go and having to continue walking straight. This has happened several times in my life so you would think that I would know how to put one foot in front of the other with ease. I was disoriented but not for long. Someone told me recently that in order to be a survivor you first have to be a victim. I don't see it that way because if you ever stay in the victim mentality, you may never get out of it. I preferred to see my situations as learning experiences that were there to help me grow, mature and look at life differently. As an adult, going through these changes, I feel so empowered knowing that I have overcome many obstacles only to continue fighting for my happiness. I have had more life experiences in one year than in the total years I have been on this earth. It's funny to think about it this way, but when he told me he didn't love me anymore part of me died, but the best part of me began to live.

Cleaning in my life, means cleaning out my life closet. In my once organized life closet, there were shelves with compartments. My shelves had boxes with lids on them. On the outside of the boxes, I had labels for each category. On the inside of the boxes there was a sophisticated, alphabetized system that told me exactly what was in every section and eventually, my life would for sure be just perfect. When things changed drastically, my once organized life became a war zone. A war inside of me looking more like a tornado sweeping through my lands. I felt that everything was scattered and no matter how hard I tried, nothing could be put back together like before. Although my lands were destroyed and my little compartmentalized boxes were scattered all over the place, my essence remained. This is where I had options....I could have just laid there and played dead or learn to survive on my own. It would have been too easy for me to give up and as a matter of fact, I did think about it, often . I never gave myself that option nor did those people that know and love me. I'm glad I worked through my sorrows as it taught me that I am more resilient than I thought. I am very proud of myself but could not have done it without my support system. As life happens- good, bad and ugly- I will face it with my invisible troops!

Jose-For my theme song that got me through and for always checking on me

Mario-for finally being the supportive brother I always knew he was and not judging my mistakes

My Papa- for keeping me entertained and always asking me if I had a boyfriend yet (reminding me that I deserve to find love again)

Boogie- for being the first one to reach out to me and taking care of me when I was out of control

Sylvia- for instilling in me how to be a strong woman, always telling me to have fun (finally listened)

Michael- for coming into my life, sharing his wisdom through texts, giving me hope and teaching me to not have such high expectations of others

Alexis- For bringing me back to earth just in time and for being honest with me

Veronica- For planting seeds like 5 years ago, staying my friend even when she thought I was not listening to every word she would speak about God

Betty- for always sensing that I was not doing good and taking time to talk to me even though talking to me and listening to my pain would remind her of her own sorrows

Mario- for teaching me that friendship is a two way street

Naffy- for always listening to my venting and sprinkling my life with blessings

Susan- for needing my advice, loving me no matter what and for always being there for me

My soldiers, I could not have done it without you all!