It's never personal

I am a very emotional person. I cry because it makes me stronger not because I'm weak. At times, I have so many emotions flowing through me that I have a hard time keeping up with them. Less worry, more praying. YES! thats what I know I need to do but I can't help but worry about everything! I told someone today that if I let them down they had no idea that I let myself down even harder. Wow! why am I so self critical of myself? why do I expect perfection out of myself? I keep giving and giving more and not learning to be more and more selfish. I don't think I was built that way, that's why. I try my hardest to put balance in my life but I always end up falling short on some end and it's usually on my end.

At work, I feel the pressure everyday to perform at my highest capacity. Not a bad way to work but many times, I sense the feeling of people wanting me to fail, as if they are just waiting for me to fall. I always have my game face on but sometimes I am just putting up an act. In reality, many times I just don't want to go to work. It's never personal...Yeah right!!

Personally, I am juggling my family life and trying to keep things in order. I definitely feel like a single parent. How do I make sure that they are getting enough of my time? Then, I get the empty nest feeling... Soon they will grow up and make their own lives. Will I find someone to spend the rest of my life with? or am I destined to be alone? Maybe I am here on earth to help others save their marriages, listen and help solve problems or save their sanity at the expense of my own? It's never personal... Yeah right!!

Emotionally, I seem to be too much woman for many men. I'm an intellectual person and at times my thoughts go way beyond what some men can comprehend. Should I be a damsel in distress or play dumb and have men rescue me so they can feel manly? or should I be a whole independant woman who works hard for what she has and only seeks to be loved? In this case it is personal and my thoughts on this go very deep, too deep to go into more details.

As a friend, I consider myself a very good one but I think I am slightly failing at it too. I hear people telling me that I don't spend enough time with them. I guess if I didn't care I wouldn't be blogging about it. That's my problem, I care too much. Not too much what people think but how they feel. I recognize that I am not responsible for others yet I have a need to take care of people and how they feel.

I think it's time for therapy...LOL!!