And who's counting?

I keep telling myself that when I turn 40, I will be close to who I am meant to be. I just counted and according to my very accurate calculations, I have (ahem) some months before I turn 40!!! I would love to lie and say that I'm in my early 3o's but then one lie would lead to another which would just create other problems. I'm 39 and have no shame in admitting that. Yes!!! the truth will and always has set me free. My spirit feels like it's 28, my body 32 and my brain like it's a mature 39 year old. Where has the time gone? I've been wearing this heavy coat stuffed with layers of frustrations, worries and self doubt that in recent years has been shrinking. One by one, I've been freeing myself from all my insecurities. About 10 years ago, I began to demand a change. I no longer could accept myself the way I was. I needed something new and the only way to do this was to start analizing my life. As I began to discover myself and my inner beauty, I became comfortable with who I was becoming and notably let myself be free to express myself. I began to allow my true personality to come out. Slowly, I began to let people see the real me. This is what I deliberately did. I discovered that I was still a little shy from time to time but I accepted that. I discovered that I am NOT unsocial but I am picky about who I have around me. I much rather have a one on one deep conversation with a few people than be the life of the party, I don't need to win a popularity contest. I also began to feel comfortable and confident in my own skin. A woman can be sexy at any size. I know that I am sexy (wink wink) regardless of dress size. I learned that I have a keen sense of people. This is definitely a side effect of growing up being super shy but I ended up being very observant because of it. I can pick a bad apple a mile away!! Some say it's woman's intuition, others say that I'm a witch haha! believe whatever you want, I just know ;) In my life, life is all about the little details and I am one who appreciates even the smallest gesture. I savor every little bit of any story as this I believe is what makes life exciting! At least for me it does. When you share a story with me, I want to know places, faces and reactions. But I don't like chisme (gossip) and as a matter of fact, I am turned off by it.
We all go through phases;teens, twenties,thirties etc. etc. but this phase for me is the best one. I am confident with my words and think of myself as a mature woman. I love myself for who I have become. I've earned my years and boy do I wear them well!
Kika, here's to you for sticking through life's ups and downs. You doubted yourself many times but it was all in the plan. You passed. I'll toast and fist pump to that!!!
Happy Birthday!