Paula=Small

So I have this little girl...well I have 2. One not so little (but short) and the other one, yes, I would say little. Her name is Paula and she is turning 10 on the 14th of December. She is going to her double digits in age! Time flies, especially when you are having fun. Or not!! Lol!

I kid about this because she has been such a challenge for me to raise. Or if I think about it in a positive way, she has been a blessing to have. I often share the stories of raising her because these stories are usually the ones that I have learned from the most. Looking back on our life together, I see how much we have matured together. As the experienced parent I was before she was born, I often thought that having one last child would be easy for me. Why not, after all, I already had 2 kids? OH BOY!! I was wrong-o!! Never did I imagine that I would be here today, writing about the struggles I had with one of my children. We were supposed to be normal, have the perfect home life and of course the perfect family portraits to hang on our perfectly square walls. Haha! sure buddy, in your dreams! I am glad things didn't turn out the way I had planned. If 9+9=18 then I say that raising Paula for the first 9 years of her life have been double the work so that's where my basic arithmatic comes in. I have often felt like giving up and I believe there was a time in my life that I did give up on her (and me). She is often judged but I have to admit that some of that judgement has came directly from me. The funny part is that she has always had a strong personality and it has taken me some time to become accustomed to this. You name it, and I have struggled with her on it. Currently, our struggles have decreased. Yes, the light at the end of the tunnel has been shinning a little brighter. She still goes through her ups/downs but I try not to be too hard on her. Paula has never let me choose her clothes. I struggled with this for some time until I accepted it. Today, she was watching a fashion show and she came into my room all excited telling me that she thinks she wants to match now cause she thinks she likes fashion now (in my head, I let out a big YES!! finally, my beautiful daughter will look cute). Oh but wait...Fashion=money and money = Mama ain't got alot of money!!!

I will never forget when I was lost (while driving) and she kept me from getting all nervous by reassuring me that we would find our way back and she was only 8 years old! Or the time that she was with me when I got dizzy and how she reacted quickly without being scared. Paula was ready to jump into action, telling me that "we better leave now" and "where's your phone so I can call daddy". This girl does not skip a beat, she's on it ALL the time! At her young age and sometimes immature nature, she manages to impress me with her quick thinking, we all need a Paula around to handle our business!

When I decided to start attending church, Paula was the first one to jump out of her seat and volunteer to go. It's as if she was waiting for me all these years to tell her we would go. Now, every Sunday she makes sure that we go to church.

Since starting to attend church, we missed one day.

Paula- "Are we going to church today? cause sometimes you don't go to church".

Me- "Paula, it was one time we missed" :/

Me- (thinking in my head) "geez woman! it was only one time! only one time!!"

We have many years ahead of us and though our life will not be perfect, I hope that she will allow me to continue guiding her on this journey. My promise to her is to always be there for her, judge her less and tell her how beautiful she is.

Love Mama